Don't Throw Your Pearls to Swine

Don't Throw Your Pearls to Swine

By Coach PBJ

This morning in my quiet time God gave me a word I was not expecting.

Matthew 7:6.

"Do not give dogs what is sacred. Do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

For years I heard this verse as a warning about other people.

This morning I heard it as an invitation to practice discernment.

And I need to sit with you in this for a moment. Because I have been carrying something and I think it is time to finally say it out loud.

I Have Been That Person

I have spent the better part of my life showing up for people.

I have helped people get jobs. Not just encouraged them to apply. I have filled out applications, made phone calls, put my name and my word on the line for people who did not believe enough in themselves to do it alone.

I have helped people become homeowners. Walked them through processes they were too afraid to start. Sat with them in their fear and said I believe you can do this and then proved it by doing the work alongside them.

I have helped people repair their marriages, rebuild their confidence, find their voice, and discover a version of themselves they did not know existed.

And I have watched some of those same people walk away when they no longer needed me.

I have watched some of them take what I shared in confidence and use it against me.

I have watched some of them build new relationships on the foundation of tearing down the woman who helped them get there.

And I carried all of it quietly.

Because that is what I do.

I carry things quietly.

The Pattern I Could Not See

For a long time I kept asking myself the same question.

Why does this keep happening?

Why do I keep pouring everything I have into people only to end up feeling drained, dismissed, and discarded when the season of their need is over?

And this morning God showed me the answer.

It is not just about them.

It is about me.

I was the child nobody had to worry about. I learned early that my value was in my usefulness. I learned that showing up for others was safe. That needing something for myself was not.

So I keep finding people who need what I carry. I pour everything into them. I elevate them. I change the trajectory of their lives.

And somewhere deep inside I am waiting.

Not consciously. But that little girl who was never poured into the way she poured into everyone else is still hoping that if she gives enough, someone will finally turn around and do for her what she keeps doing for everyone else.

And when they do not, the wound gets a little deeper.

That is the shadow.

And that is what God was speaking to this morning when He led me to that scripture.

What Are Your Pearls

I need you to understand something about pearls before we go any further.

Pearls are not ordinary. They are not manufactured overnight. A pearl is formed through a process. Through pressure. Through time. Through something irritating entering a tender space and being slowly transformed into something rare and beautiful.

Your gift is a pearl.

Your wisdom is a pearl. Your ability to see people, to believe in them before they believe in themselves, to show up and do the hard work alongside them. That is a pearl.

It took years to form. It took pressure. It took pain. It took every hard season you walked through and survived and turned into something that could help someone else.

And when you give it carelessly to people who cannot recognize its value, they do not just fail to appreciate it.

They trample it.

And then they come back for more.

Why People Turn On the One Who Helped Them

I want to say something that might be

hard to hear but I believe it will set you free.

Sometimes people turn on the person who helped them not because they are evil but because they are ashamed.

When you give someone more than they have the capacity to receive with grace it can create shame in them. A quiet uncomfortable awareness of how much they needed you. Of how far they had to fall before someone showed up. Of how much of their life was built on the foundation of your generosity.

And shame when it goes unaddressed turns into resentment.

And resentment needs a story to justify itself.

So they rewrite the story. They stretch the truth. They find reasons to discredit the giver because it is easier than sitting in the discomfort of what they received.

That is not a reflection of your worth.

That is a reflection of their unhealed wounds.

But here is your part in this.

You cannot keep giving your pearls to people and then be surprised when they cannot honor what they were never equipped to hold.

Discernment is not judgment. It is wisdom. It is recognizing where your gift will be received with honor and where it will be taken for granted.

And it starts with learning to hear yourself.

There Is Also a Law at Work Here

There is a law called the law of reciprocity.

It is not about keeping score. It is not about calculating who owes you what. It is about the natural flow of energy between people.

Healthy relationships breathe. They give and they receive. They pour out and they pour back in.

When you are always the one exhaling, always the one pouring out, always the one showing up while the other person simply receives, your body knows it even when your mind tries to justify it.

And that brings me to what I want you to do.

Learn to Hear Your Own Yes and No

The next time someone comes to you asking for what you carry, before you answer, I want you to pause.

Not with your mouth. With your body.

What do you feel in your chest right now? Is there a tightening? A heaviness? A quiet sinking feeling that you recognize but push past anyway?

What did you hear in your mind in the very first second before the programmed yes took over? Was there a silent no that got drowned out? A whisper of here we go again that you quickly silenced?

What is your energy doing right now? When you think about showing up for this person do you feel expanded or contracted? Energized or already drained before you have even begun?

What does your history with this person tell you? Have they shown up for you the way you show up for them? Do they treat what you give them as sacred or as something they are simply entitled to access whenever they need it?

And most importantly, how do you feel about yourself in this dynamic? Do you feel valued? Do you feel seen? Or do you feel like a resource?

You are not a resource.

You are a pearl.

And not everyone has earned the right to hold what God spent years creating inside of you.

It Is Okay to Reset

I want to give you permission to do something that might feel uncomfortable.

Reset.

Not with bitterness. Not with a list of everything people owe you. But with clarity. With intention. With the quiet confidence of a woman who finally understands that her gift is sacred and she gets to choose who receives it.

Some people are in your life for a reason. Some for a season. And some have overstayed both.

Releasing them is not abandonment. It is discernment. It is you finally valuing your pearls the way God intended when He formed them inside of you through every hard season, every pressure, every moment of pain that you survived and transformed into wisdom.

You are not a vending machine.

You are not obligated to pour into everyone who shows up at your door.

And saying no to the wrong people is not a betrayal of your gift.

It is the protection of it.

One Final Question

Before you close this blog I want you to sit with this question.

If you truly believed that what you carry is rare, valuable, and sacred, how would you change who you allow access to it?

Sit with that.

And when you are ready to go deeper into this work, I would love to walk with you through it. Book a free Shadow Discovery Call and let's talk about who you have been throwing your pearls to and what it is costing you.

You deserve a circle that recognizes your value.

You deserve people who show up the way you show up.

And you deserve to finally stop abandoning yourself in the name of showing up for everyone else.

The pearls are yours.

Protect them.

Coach PBJ is a shadow work coach, speaker, and founder of the SHIFT Signature Program. She helps women step out of survival and into purpose. Learn more at coachpbjspeaks.com.

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