Hiding in Plain Sight: Belief Systems

Hiding in Plain Sight: Belief Systems

What Have You Been Believing?

Over the last several weeks, we've explored the five core seeds in the SHIFT framework: shame, hurt, insecurity, fear, and trauma. Each of these seeds has the ability to influence how we think, feel, respond, and show up in our everyday lives. While the seeds are important, they are only the beginning of the story. A seed by itself doesn't determine the outcome. What determines the outcome is the root system that develops beneath the surface.

The same is true in our lives.

Most people believe their lives are being directed by what happened to them. I have come to believe that our lives are more often directed by what we began believing because of what happened. There is a significant difference. Two people can experience similar circumstances and walk away with completely different beliefs. One child grows up in a home where criticism is constant and spends the rest of her life believing she will never be enough. Another child grows up in a similar environment and becomes determined to prove everyone wrong. The experience may have been similar, but the beliefs that took root were very different.

That is why I have become less interested in the event itself and more interested in the meaning we attached to the event. Somewhere along the way, many of us stopped seeing our conclusions as conclusions. We began treating them as facts. Without ever realizing it, beliefs such as I'm not enough, People can't be trusted, I have to do everything myself, or If I lose control, everything will fall apart quietly became the operating system behind our decisions.

What fascinates me is that once a belief takes root, our minds naturally begin looking for evidence to support it. Psychologists refer to this as confirmation bias, the tendency to notice information that reinforces what we already believe while overlooking information that challenges it. If I believe people cannot be trusted, I will likely notice every betrayal while dismissing the countless examples of loyalty around me. If I believe I am not enough, criticism will feel louder than encouragement because my mind is already searching for proof that my belief is true.

The danger is not simply that we have beliefs. The danger is that many of our beliefs have gone unquestioned for years. We have lived with them for so long that they feel like part of our identity instead of conclusions we reached during painful moments. What once helped us make sense of our world quietly became the lens through which we continued to interpret it.

One of the questions I often ask women during coaching is not, "What happened to you?" While that question certainly has value, it only tells me about the experience. The question that often unlocks awareness is much different. I ask, "What did you begin believing because it happened?" That single question shifts the conversation from the event to the root system. We stop focusing on the circumstance and begin examining the belief that has been quietly influencing our life ever since.

This is why awareness is so important. We cannot change what we refuse to examine, nor can we shift beliefs we have never identified. Before we can change a pattern, we must first understand the belief that has been producing it. Otherwise, we spend our lives trimming branches while the root beneath the surface continues growing stronger.

The encouraging news is that beliefs are not permanent simply because they are familiar. Many of them were formed during seasons when we were trying to make sense of disappointment, rejection, criticism, or uncertainty. They may have served a purpose then, but that does not mean they deserve authority over the rest of our lives. Awareness gives us permission to stop assuming every belief we've carried is true and begin asking whether it is still serving the woman we are becoming.

Because you cannot SHIFT what you cannot see.

Coach PBJ's Final Thoughts

One of the greatest discoveries I've made, both in my own life and through coaching hundreds of women, is that our experiences don't usually shape us as much as the meaning we attach to them. Two women can walk through the same storm and tell themselves completely different stories. One may conclude, "I'll never trust again," while another decides, "I've learned what healthy trust looks like." The experience may have been the same, but the belief they carried forward was completely different.

That realization changed the way I coach. I no longer spend all my time trying to understand what happened. Instead, I spend more time listening for the beliefs that quietly grew from those experiences. Those beliefs eventually become the roots beneath our decisions, our relationships, our confidence, and the way we see ourselves.

One of the most liberating moments in a woman's life is when she realizes that not every belief she's been carrying belongs to her future. Some beliefs were formed by a frightened little girl who was simply trying to make sense of a painful world. She did the best she could with what she understood at the time. Today, however, you have something she didn't have then. You have awareness.

Awareness gives you the opportunity to question what has always felt unquestionable. It invites you to ask whether the story you've been telling yourself is actually true or whether it has simply become familiar through repetition. That question alone has the power to begin changing everything.

I'm convinced that transformation doesn't begin when life changes. It begins when our beliefs do. The moment we recognize the root, we are no longer unconsciously being led by it. We now have the opportunity to choose differently, think differently, and ultimately live differently.

Reflection Question

As you reflect on your own journey, what belief about yourself, other people, or life have you accepted as truth without ever asking where it came from?

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